Dear Creeper Sitting in the Corner of the Gym,

I did not notice you--at all. Until I was walking to grab my jacket to leave. I had a sneaking suspicion you were trying to talk to me, although I could not hear you through my wickedly awesome mix of workout tunes (*side note: why is it that people try to talk to you when you clearly have music blaring in your ears? It's beyond me). Either that or you were mouthing the words to a song while staring straight at me. I removed my ear buds just in time to hear you say to me: "Are you calling it quits?" Me, feeling a little befuddled (and cautious), simply stated, "Yep. I've had enough for today" to which you replied: "Yeah. It looked like you were working pretty hard." Mr. Creeper Man, please allow me to review the questions that then ran through my mind after your last observation/statement:

1) How old are you?

2) Where did you come from?

3) How long have you been sitting there?

4) More importantly, how long have you been watching me?

5) Do you come here often? If so, remind me to avoid you at all costs.

6) Why are you just chillin' on the incline press machine?

So, forgive me, Mr. Creeper Man for hurriedly grabbing my things and walking away from you (and by walking I mean running). And you'll understand why my car keys endured a death grip on the way to the parking lot. I'll have you know, Mr. Creeper, that I would have stabbed you between the eyes with them if it came to that...you know, like I see in all the movies.

Here's hoping I never run into you again at the gym (or have you watching me from afar unknowingly).

Sincerely,

Rachel

Dental Don'ts...To Be Continued

I've been seriously slacking! I don't know why. There are always ridiculous people to write about. Take today, for example. I am a dental hygienist, and in my line of work, I end up seeing some really disgusting things, things I won't describe to you for fear of making you nauseated. But today, a particular patient taught me (and now you) 2 behaviors NOT to do while seeing your dentist and/or dental hygienist. Mind you, this list is endless and I am only touching on the "tip of the iceberg."

1. We use an automated blood pressure cuff at our office to check each patient's blood pressure. On this particular patient, the cuff was not registering. I tried again. No dice. After the third attempt, I was ready to give up when the woman said, "Do you want me to just take off my sweatshirt?" I replied, "Sure, although sweatshirts usually don't get in the way." Before I knew it, this woman had stripped her arm out of her sleeve to reveal--NOTHING. As in there was no shirt or tank top or other article of clothing under the sweatshirt. There she sat, in her bra, belly bulging, white, bright, and covered in things I hope to never see on my body. Immediately, I had that conversation with myself (in my head, of course) It went a little something like this:

Rachel, remain calm. Do not try and understand why this woman feels OK with stripping down to her bra in a dental office. Do not act like it's a big deal even though every fiber of your being is telling you to look the other way. Do not attract attention to your operatory, and thus, alert the rest of the dental team to complete and utter confusion/shock. They will think that this was your idea if you do that! Just take the blood pressure and get the woman to put her freakin' sweatshirt back on. And remember, you are stronger for this!

2. Believe it or not, we made it through the cleaning, the exam, and all other festivities of fun that go along with a trip to the dentist. Prior to dismissing this same patient, I offered her a fluoride treatment to which she obliged. As I was preparing to place the foam fluoride trays in her mouth, she paused and looked straight ahead, as if needing a second to herself. I, too, then paused...and waited. With mouth wide open and me halfway reaching to squish the trays into place, she BELCHES. OUT LOUD. LIKE THIS: (think of the grossest burp you've ever heard). She then looks at me like, "What are you waiting for?" Clearly, she was ready for her fluoride treatment. Remain calm, Rachel. Remain calm. Deep breaths...no! Don't do that! You'll smell her disgusting burp! Just run...leave the fluoride to fend for itself. And save yourself...

OK. It wasn't THAT dramatic, but next time you go to the dentist, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT...

a) remove your clothing for any reason other than to be resuscitated by emergency personnel

b) Burp in the hygienist's face (or any other staff member for that matter)