One of advantage of my job? I come in contact with eight or more complete strangers on a daily basis and get to freely pass judgment about them in my head. Sound harsh? Well, you can judge me then. Because c'mon! We all do it. And it's better than passing judgment out loud because that would cause all sorts of problems for my employer. Let's be real, the longer I work in my field, the less apologetic I get about the opinions I form of crazy people I encounter and their nasty mouths. Their wacky behavior shouldn't be something else I have to worry about, at least, that wasn't in the job description when I pictured myself running around in matching scrubs and my hair in an up-do six and a half years ago when I began this journey as a dental hygienist. There are countless times over the course of the work day when I am utterly flabbergasted by something someone does or says. And only one word comes to my mind each and every time over and over and over again: Why.
For example, it always blows me away when patients ask for recommendations regarding how to improve the health of their mouth. I am overly eager to open that little compartment in my brain labeled "Dental Hygiene" and share my wealth of knowledge. I did pay a good chunk of change to learn what I now know. And that little compartment in my head just about busts at the seams and screams "Open me! Share me!" And so when a patient actually expresses interest, my response is often one that is excited. Yes! Yes, Mrs. Jones! Let me tell you what you can do to reverse your gingivitis! I would love to do that for you, Mrs. Jones!
And then I proceed to recommend a Sonicare toothbrush to Mrs. Jones, because, after all, her two daughters have one. Surely they wouldn't mind their mother purchasing her own toothbrush head to snap on to the body of their brush and have at it all in the name of good oral hygiene. But do you know what Mrs. Jones does with my recommendation? I'll tell you what she does. She basically tells me to "Shove it" when she says: "Oh, well. The girls keep the Sonicare in a different bathroom downstairs so I can't use it."
Hey, Mrs. Jones. Seriously, why don't you take your right hand and give me a good whack in the nose. I'd prefer an actual slap in the face to your whipping with words. Because I don't understand you. Are you truthfully and honestly telling me as an adult woman with two children that you are incapable of walking down a flight of stairs to save you the expense of purchasing another Sonicare toothbrush and possibly hundreds of dollars of dental work in the form of non-surgical periodontal therapy and future osseous surgeries? Are you that dense? I'm thinking that you are because you JUST ASKED ME WHAT YOU COULD DO TO REVERSE YOUR GUM DISEASE AND I TOLD YOU SO WHY ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME?! *Side note: You can't reverse all kinds of gum disease, but that's another subject for another day and time. Do you think I like to hear myself talk? (Don't answer that husband of mine). Good heavens, woman! You making me crazy!
And then I go home. Home. A place where you can relax and eat and laugh and rest and enjoy things that are normal. And I flip on the tube and this is what I find.
All kinds of crazy up in here! A Santa Snuggie? Really QVC? It hurts my heart that you thought this was a good idea because every time your pretty lil' models do a twirl in that hideous thing, I mistake it for the ugliest moo moo I've ever seen in my entire life. But then it trips me out because I think it really is Santa for a split second and I wonder if my mom and dad really didn't tell me the truth about him after all, but then the pitch woman completes her twirl and I am back to where I started where I see a young attractive female and not some 300-pound man with a round belly and white beard. It's just. plain. wrong. Also, that thing looked like it would fit Santa six times over. So is our country now promoting obesity in our make-believe characters, too? If so, this is no longer an epidemic but more along the scale of a pandemic now that it has reached the scope of the North Pole. And we should be seriously concerned. And I'm sorry, but people who call into QVC to commentate on Santa Snuggies have reached on all-time low in their life. Period. Jason and I did get a good laugh out of the whole experience, though. You know the kind that makes your soul feel better? Those are the best. I guess there is a need for crazy in this world after all. Until next time...;)