Unit G5

A few weeks ago, my mom and I made a shopping trip to Costco for some Holiday "goods." As usual, my dear, sweet husband opted out of the shopping trip, and remained contently at home watching the Gonzaga basketball game. Go Zags! (They lost that game, FYI). Anywho, we (as in my mom and I), swung by to pick Jason up on the way home so that we could head back to my parents' for pizza and movie.

While waiting patiently in the car-emphasis on the "patient" part, we noticed some headlights pull up behind us and stop. Now, if we were sitting at, say, a stoplight, this would not be unusual at all. In fact, it's expected for another driver to line up behind you and wait until the light turns green, right? But in an apartment complex parking lot, it seemed a bit strange. I re-positioned my car closer to the curb just in case and then I waited, expecting her to drive past us, because that's what you do when you're in a car---you drive! Clearly, this woman had plenty of space to manuever around us and get to where she needed to go. Surely she wasn't actually waiting for me to move my car completely so that she had maybe two more feet to work with.

You know that thing that happens when you're so sure of something, and then that "something" turns around and slaps you in the face and tells you you're dead wrong and the unbelievable is actually happening? And you're left to try and figure out what really is going on? Well, that happened to my mom and me when we realized that this woman, was in fact, trying to make a statement by staying parked behind me until I moved COMPLETELY out of her way. That's right. After about 30 more seconds of her staying parked behind us, she began to slowly pull forward. Before she even pulled up beside us, I could feel her dagger stare in the back of my head, and I wanted to throw up on her on she drove slowly by and shot us the sourest look I may have ever seen. Don't worry--I fed her one right back (I have a few of those up my sleeve. Just ask Jase). But this woman was relentless, even turning her head as her car moved forward. She looked a little like that scene from The Exorcist with her head all turning around to keep the gaze. The nerve! And I'm pretty sure at that point both my mom and I were gasping out of shock and muttering things like, "Oh, no she didn't!"

It gets better. This woman then pulls into one of the assigned parking spots. You know what that means, don't you? She is our neighbor!! She gets out of her car, locks her door, all the while not taking one eye off of us. She walks to her door, opens it, goes in, takes one last creepy peek at us through the window, and then shuts the blinds! What?! Are you serious, Unit G5?! Are you? I'm sorry that my car parked in front of my house would ruin your entire life! What can I do to make it up to you, G5? Please tell me because I will quickly do whatever it takes to make it right, and by "quickly do whatever it takes" I mean "Yeah, right! Because you are ridiculous." I WAS thinking about bringing over a plate of cookies, but maybe instead, I'll bring you over a giant air horn and a middle finger for you to use. That just seems way more appropriate. I'm going to go take a deep breath, G5. And maybe, just maybe, we can settle this in the parking lot. Until next time...;)