You suck. No, really. You do. You know how I know this? Because I deal with you people every single day. And dare I say, it's making me a little stir-crazy? Like that time today when I was driving to pick Jason up from work, and I looked in my rearview mirror to behold one of your kind throwing a fistful of garbage out his window like it was rice at a wedding. Seriously, dude? It hasn't been cool to litter since like 1996. And if I hadn't run the risk of driving into the ditch while trying to grab a pen and McDonald's receipt off the floor of the car so that I could write your license plate down, I totally would have reported you to Al Gore--or at least the police!
Or like that time this week at work when I took your blood pressure and it was too high and another one of you said, "I'll just go down to the blood bank and donate a pint. That always brings it down." OOOHHH. Right. Until your body does it's job and produces more blood to replace the old blood and then your poor little blood cells are again left to find passage between your veins and arteries that are clogged with lard and sodium.
Or like the time this week when pulling out of our apartment complex, one of you pulled up behind us, honked your horn, and mockingly flagged us on to turn left. OH! Is that what we do after four lanes of traffic have cleared? We actually carry through with the manuever our left blinker was signaling by jerking the wheel to the left? DON'T you dare give me that stupid thumbs up sign, Mister Neighbor! Because I KNOW for a fact you freakin' don't mean it, you big impatient idiot.
I have to go. My face is getting warm. And I'm hungry. But this isn't the end. I'll be back with more tongue lashings. Is there no accountability anymore? Sheesh.
Warmest Regards,
Rachel
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